Nightmares
by Karmi Ky
Summary: Cloud returns home, finally able to confront his burdens - but he realizes that Tifa continues to agonize over her own even now. Set post-AC.


**AN: **Oh look, I think I'm writing again.

* * *

Cloud pushed Fenrir into the garage and turned on the light. Securing his bike, he took off his gloves and set them on his work table before closing the garage door quietly. He didn't want to wake the neighbors or anyone who was sleeping inside. It was almost three in the morning and he'd just gotten back from a series of deliveries over several days.

Cloud checked a few valves on Fenrir, then his exhaust. It sounded a little strange during the last few hours of riding. He figured it needed a tune-up. Once he was sure nothing had fallen off or was out of place, he leaned against the work table and wiped his face. _Maybe I should take a few days off._

As he pulled his hand away, he saw an inky black smudge. He stared at it in horror. _No… _Cloud reached up to touch his face again and recognized the smell on his hand. _Motor oil._ He relaxed. _You're fine. It's over. _He grabbed a rag from the bench to wipe his face and hands.

It had been two months since he came home. _Home. _He liked the way that sounded. He liked having a place he could call home and really… believe it.

Marlene and Denzel were ecstatic to have him back, always there to greet him whenever he came home before bedtime. Tifa was warm toward him, but he could tell that it would take longer for her to accept that he was truly there. Sometimes he came home and she was surprised to see him. She still sounded surprised when he answered the phone, having gotten used to his voicemail service. He remembered the first time he called _her_ since returning.

_"Cloud?"_ _Tifa's voice was cautious._

_"Yeah…were you expecting someone else?"_

_"Well, the last time this number called, it was a little boy."_

_He winced. "It's me this time. I just… wanted to let you know I would be home for dinner today."_

_She immediately perked up. "Oh! Okay, I'll make sure to set a plate for you. The bar will still be open, but the kids will be at a table in the corner—"_

_"I know the one. We used to choose my routes at that table, remember?"_

Cloud let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. She needed time. He understood.

_You can only let her down so many times before she stops trusting you._

He shook his head at the thought, going inside. Cloud had to fight himself more often than not, or else the guilt would eat him alive. _Don't let it take hold._ He had a lot of things he still needed to work on, but he refused to let shame control his life anymore.

* * *

_The plate creaked underneath them. Barret tried the controls again._

_They jumped, latching onto a metal pole. Metal croaked and snapped._

_People screamed. The sound vibrated in her ears. They couldn't save them. She couldn't save them._

_Metal screeched as the plate released, but it wasn't loud enough to drown out the screams._

Tifa sat up with a start, breathing heavily. _Oh gods._ She leaned forward and held herself, feeling sick._ It's not real._

Except it was. It happened. Shinra destroyed sector seven in response to the reactor bombings. They had been unsuccessful in tracking down Avalanche's exact location for so long. After the sector one reactor was attacked, Shinra became even more vigilant in finding who was responsible and wasted no time plastering Avalanche's name all over the news.

_It_ _was __our fault._

Tifa shuddered. She suddenly felt cold as the sweat on her face and arms started to dry.

She counted to ten before getting up to splash water on her face.

A door closed downstairs. Tifa became rigid. Her heart raced. _Someone's here._ She immediately grabbed her gloves from her bedside table and tiptoed out of her room. Tifa positioned herself against the far side of the hall and waited.

* * *

The first floor was dark and quiet. He climbed the steps slowly. For a moment, he thought he heard movement. _Maybe she's awake._

Cloud rounded the corner. "Ti —"

He saw stars. Cloud reeled back and hissed, his hands coming up over his face.

"Oh! Cloud!" He heard someone whisper.

There was Tifa in a tank top and shorts, her gloves on. She dropped her stance almost immediately and looked up into his face. She reached up to touch his hands, which were over his nose.

"Gaia, Tifa, what the hell?" he said, muffled.

"I'm sorry!" She whispered back. "I thought you were an intruder."

He groaned and walked to the bathroom. Tifa followed him. Cloud turned the light on and dropped his hands. His nose bled from one nostril. There was a black smear across his forehead. He reached for the tissues.

"Wait. Let me." Tifa took off her gloves and grabbed a handful of tissues. "Sit down and lean your head back." Cloud sat down on the toilet and Tifa bent over him. She lightly pressed the tissues against his nose and he winced. "I'm so sorry Cloud."

"It's fine," he mumbled. "You're just being diligent."

She gave him a small smile and removed the tissues to look at his nose. "Well, it's not broken. I probably just… ruptured a vessel." She pressed the tissues back on his nose.

Grabbing his washcloth from the bathtub, she ran it under hot water with soap and began wiping his face. "There's oil," she said quietly.

He sighed. "I know."

Tifa continued to wipe his face as Cloud sat still, holding the tissues himself. He watched her as she did it, and after a while she noticed. "Why are you staring at me?"

"Nothing else worth looking at," was the first thing out of his mouth.

Tifa flushed. Water dripped from the washcloth across Cloud's face. She turned around to wring it out in the sink, running it under more water. Cloud leaned forward and removed the tissues. They were soaked through. He threw them away and grabbed a few more to blow his nose. Tifa came back with the cloth as he discarded them.

"I'm fine. I heal fast you know." He took the cloth from her and wiped around his nose and mouth. She stepped back and into the doorway to give him space as he began to wash his hands. "What were you doing up anyway? Did I wake you?"

Tifa shook her head. "No. I…" she twisted a strand of hair around her finger. "I had a nightmare."

"About what?"

She smiled at him. "Don't worry. I'm okay."

His eyes softened. It was incredible how much she could hide behind a smile. How much she tried to hide to put up a front. Cloud knew she had her own demons she was fighting, her own things she felt guilty about. _I've been wrapped up in myself for so long… _

"Tifa, we can talk about it…"

"Really, don't worry. I know you're tired."

There she was, putting him first again.

He stepped toward her, placing a hand on her arm with the ribbon. She was cold. He could feel her skin prickling. "I am but let me worry about you."

Tifa looked up into his bright blue eyes. "Okay. The kids are still asleep, so come into my room?" He nodded.

* * *

As Tifa led him back down the hallway, she suddenly felt very exposed in her nightclothes. _Cloud's seen you in shorts before._ Goosebumps rose even further on her arms. She figured she was just jumpy, but for a moment she thought about changing into sweatpants. _Then I'd be too hot to sleep. Cloud's seen you with less…_ Her eyes widened at the thought. She became acutely aware of how closely Cloud was following her. The heat rose up her neck and into her face.

Tifa closed the door behind him and sat on the bed. She fidgeted with her blanket, watching him as he sat down next to her. Cloud was good at pushing exhaustion away, but she noticed the bags under his eyes. _He should go to bed._ When he looked up at her, her cheeks turned pink and she covered her lap with a blanket. "Cold," she said.

"Is it drafty in here?"

"A little. That's why I have all these blankets."

There were two jumbled together on top of the bed. Tifa stared down at the one in her lap, gripping it in an attempt to steady her hands. She could feel Cloud examining her. He waited patiently for her to speak. It was almost strange. _Usually I'm the one trying to get him to open up. _On the one hand, she didn't want to talk about this. She would have rather laid awake all night trying very hard to think about other things unsuccessfully than talk about this out loud. But she also appreciated his presence and his concern. It was comforting.

* * *

A few minutes passed between them in silence. He didn't want to push her, but he saw the pain behind her smile before. Cloud wanted to help, but he needed to know what was wrong.

"Tifa?"

She sighed. Her hair was a little wild and sticking to her forehead.

_She must have been tossing and turning all night._

Her eyes were lowered when she finally answered. "It was… it was about sector seven."

He remembered what happened to sector seven like it was yesterday. Fighting up to the top of the plate. The explosion. That horrible grating sound of metal against metal as the plate dislodged.

Aerith being taken away by Tseng.

He closed his eyes, gripping the sheets under his hand. Thinking about her even now, after everything, still hurt sometimes. He knew it hurt Tifa too.

"I can't stop thinking about what we did. I mean, was it worth it? Bombing the reactors… all those people that got killed. And then the plate. I hear them screaming in my dreams."

Cloud opened his eyes at the sound of her voice shaking. The blanket was tangled in her hands. She trembled.

"I think about Jessie, Biggs, and Wedge. I think about the people who came to the bar in the slums. Did they make it out? Were we able to buy people more time? And the wreckage. How many… how many people got… crushed? I can't stop thinking about it. I busy myself with the bar and the kids to stop thinking about it. But when I go to bed…"

She wiped her face with a fist.

Cloud's heart ached. _I've been such an idiot. _He wasn't the only one who traveled the world to stop Meteor. He wasn't the only one who lost damn near everything – friends, loved ones, their homes — to Sephiroth or Shinra. All of them suffered, all of them hurt. He was finally able to confront and deal with his burdens, but Tifa agonized over her own even now.

Cloud moved closer to her and took her hands. She lifted her gaze, startled. There were tears down her cheeks. He stared into her eyes, gently cupped her cheek, and wiped away her tears with his thumb. Tifa inhaled sharply. She definitely wasn't used to this from him.

"I'm sorry Tifa. I let you endure this alone. I've been so selfish I… I didn't see how much you were hurting."

She wiped the other side of her face. "I didn't want to bother you with this. You've had enough to deal with," she said quietly.

He frowned. "Stop it."

Tifa's eyes widened at the frustration in his voice. Cloud pulled her into a hug, one hand still holding hers. He felt her stiffen in shock at the sudden gesture. "I thought I was doing you a favor when I left. I thought..." Cloud fumbled with the words. "I thought that by leaving, I'd be one less weight for you to carry. When I found out I had Geostigma, I… I didn't want to worry you or Marlene. I didn't want to scare Denzel." She sniffled. "I'm sorry Tifa. I'm sorry for hurting you again and leaving you to deal with this by yourself."

Tifa didn't respond. She couldn't form the words. For a moment, neither of them said anything. She began to relax, leaning into the hug.

Cloud kissed the top of her head. Tifa gripped his hand a little tighter but didn't pull away. Her hair was a bit damp from what he assumed was a shower before bed. He kissed her forehead and paused, waiting for her reaction. She exhaled, and Cloud realized she had been holding her breath. He held her face again and rested his forehead against hers, eyes closed.

"Don't put me first anymore," he whispered. "I'm here. I know I haven't been very good at keeping promises, but I swear I won't ever leave you again."

Tifa nodded. "Okay." Cloud opened his eyes to look at her. Hers were closed. "Sometimes you're late, but you're still there when I need you."

"Half-assing my promise isn't good enough. You deserve better."

Tifa sighed slowly. Cloud swept a thumb across her cheek again. He enjoyed being this close to her, but he didn't want to ruin it. She seemed better now, the tension releasing from her shoulders.

Cautiously, she tilted her head up toward him. Her lips brushed against his jaw. Cloud felt his face grow warm where her lips touched, but he didn't move away. She planted a small kiss onto his lower lip, as if asking his permission. Cloud lifted her head and kissed her right back.

Her soft lips parted immediately as he kissed her. He was gentle as he cradled her face.

Her arms wrapped around his neck and she pressed against him, forgetting how exposed she felt before. All she could think about was how warm he was.

Cloud pulled away slightly and looked at her. Tifa kissed his jaw down to his neck and rested on his shoulder. He wrapped both arms around her.

"Cloud?"

"Yes Tifa?"

"Will you… will you stay in here with me? Maybe it'll help with the nightmares."

"I can do that. But I need to wash the road off first."

Tifa kissed his neck. "Okay. I'll be here."

* * *

She sat there for a while after he left. She didn't realize how much she'd wanted such intimacy from him. She thought that maybe she had gotten over her feelings for him. _Or maybe I was trying to bury them._ After Meteorfall, they were so focused on rebuilding and trying to move forward. Tifa threw herself into that so she didn't have to dwell on all the things they had done or seen. It was easier. If she thought about how she felt towards Cloud, she would think about their complicated history together. Their past and everything they've lost. When her thoughts went down that road is usually when she found something else to distract herself with.

Now, he was apologizing for leaving her, which _did_ hurt. She never said it out loud to him, but she was glad he saw it. Tifa didn't want to become bitter and resentful toward him, so she constantly told herself it was what he needed. She'd tell him she was okay, that things were fine, until she got really frustrated. Even then, she figured burying her feelings was the best route. She didn't want to get hurt. She didn't want to tie him down.

Tifa thought about the only other time she'd kissed him, running her hands through her hair. They were underneath the _Highwind_ before the final battle. They laid under the stars together, cuddled against one another after a night of passion. She'd told him then that words weren't the only way to tell someone how you felt, and he responded. They didn't say much out loud. They didn't need to. Since then, there have been little things here and there. She'd caress his arms as she passed by, he'd linger in a hug for a bit longer than usual. He looked at her differently, and she knew he would think about their time together. Over the past few months, ever since he began to distance himself, those things stopped. She realized tonight how much she had missed that sensuality from him.

Tifa smiled to herself and began to braid her hair. _Maybe… maybe we can get back to that someday._

* * *

Cloud got out of the shower and took a few minutes in the bathroom to run a towel through his hair.

_She's vulnerable._

_She's upset._

_You're taking advantage of her. You're going to ruin her trust in you._

He rolled his eyes at himself. Y_ou're letting the guilt talk._

Cloud knew how Tifa felt about him, and he was sure she knew he reciprocated those feelings. He made sure to tell her two years ago. _But I've kept my distance from her for so long… She probably thinks I don't feel that way anymore._ But he had to. He had to put space between them. He would only hurt her in the long run.

_That's an excuse._ Cloud sighed and dropped the towel into a hamper. _You could just not hurt her. _Which he was determined to do. At least, he was determined to try.

When he returned to her room, Tifa was sitting near the head of the bed. She finished her braid and gave him a small smile. Cloud sat next to her.

The thoughts he had before were nagging at him. _It's fine!_ Before he knew it, he was saying them out loud.

"Tifa, I know you were upset before and I—"

She kissed him. "Stop it," she murmured against his lips. Tifa laid down under the covers, moving over to make room for him.

Cloud slowly pulled the blankets back and laid down on his side, facing her. She curled up into his body and he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"I want this Cloud. I'm not just lonely and sad and need a warm body next to me. I want _you_ next to me."

He held her tighter. The words were stuck in his throat, so he settled for kissing her head again. She nuzzled into his chest in response.

_Words aren't the only way to tell someone how you feel._

Soon, they both fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms. Tifa's nightmares stopped over time, but he never slept in the other room again.

* * *

**AN:** I originally uploaded this to AO3, and I might move there permanently, but I kind of missed this place. A lot of my fave authors are still here.

This is the first thing I've written in about six years, and it feels great! Special thanks to Nilsine on AO3 for being my Beta again. I hope you all enjoy it!


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